Ever since 2004, I’ve had a passionate love affair with photography. And come to discover that I have a fondness for photos that come with a story. Over the years, I have shot a few of them. Here’s the next installment in “The Story Behind an Image” series.
Part 11: “The Day I Cried on the Cliffs of Dover”
In July of 2024, I was on my aviation bucket list trip to England. I did an air-to-air photo shoot with World War II warbirds over the English countryside, a sightseeing helicopter flight over London, and I even saw one of my favorite aircraft of all time, TSR.2. And to top it off, I attended the world’s largest military airshow, The Royal International Air Tattoo. And in between my aviation nerding out, I took several day trips to various locations around England.
One day I decided to drive over to Dover and see the famous White Cliffs. From my hotel in Reading, it was about two hours away. After showering and getting dressed, I grabbed my camera bag and headed to Dover. The drive over was fun and felt so adventurous. I made a stop to fill up the tank and to get something to drink. After paying and walking back to the car, I forgot which side of the car was the driver’s side. Driving in England wasn’t difficult or scary. The only things I noticed were that it was strange putting on the seat belt from the opposite side and using the gear selector with my left hand. Outside of that, driving in England was like driving anywhere else.
Arriving at Dover, I had to go to the bathroom really badly. The bottled water from the petrol stop wanted out and needed to find a restroom. I found relief after a vigorous-paced walk to the visitor’s center. Looking at the map, there is a lighthouse at the end of one of the paths. Photographically, my thoughts were “If I could capture the lighthouse and cliffs, how picturesque would that be?” But what I didn’t take into account was how hilly the paths were along with just how out of shape I was. After a laborious 25 minutes of walking up and down steep terrain, I quickly realized that I was not going to make it to the lighthouse. But I did manage to take a few photos of the breathtaking views along the way.
Physically exhausted, it was time for a short but needed break. I lay back, staring into the blue skies above and I heard myself asking a question. That simple and innocent question that I’ve been asking myself repeatedly as long as I can remember. “What do I want?” Sadly, I’ve never been able to answer that simple question with any certainty and confidence. But for whatever reason my subconscious thought that I was going to find some meaning and understanding of all the pain and suffering in my life. Here in England, lying in the grass field on the Cliffs of Dover of all places. Unfortunately, life is not that simple and answers to such challenging questions don’t come that easily.
But what I did hear was clear and with a prominent level of confidence, “We must keep going.”As if something, somewhere deep in my spirit, knew that there was a task of utmost importance that I needed to accomplish. This was a feeling that had been hidden by years of torment and misery. This forgotten sense of self has finally stepped out of the darkness and into the light revealing itself to me. Knowing this to be true, it weighed heavily on my heart. That’s when tears began flowing down my cheeks and into the sides of my lips, where I could taste the salty teardrops. In a grassy field on top of the cliffs of Dover overlooking the English Channel, I cried. I cannot remember how long I wept but it was a much-needed release from years of uncertainty. I had become so used to living aimlessly and without a sense of purpose that I was brave enough to trust this direction. Hoping that it will lead me to a better future.
It’s funny how we travel so far to escape our worries and fears, just to learn that the real journey starts from within. To begin honestly and fearlessly focusing inward and asking myself some tough questions about how I’m living and how I want to live moving forward. I do not believe we change our lives in one pivotal moment. It is more like a series of small decisions in the right direction that truly lead to change. This was one of those small turning points on an unfamiliar path. A direction I needed to follow even if I had no clue how to start it, to what extent I must go, and just where it would take me. After two years of being on my new journey, I realized that I wasn’t growing into someone new, but someone that I finally recognized. More authentic, more aligned with my values, and the person I have always wanted to be.
Gear used:
Canon 90D
EF-S 18-135mm F/3.5-5.6 IS ST
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